Getting back into the dating scene… well lets say it can be interesting sometimes. Technology has come a long way and is now offering something called: internet dating. The name is somewhat misleading, because your relationship isn’t through emails (well the good ones aren’t). It’s simply a way to look through a catalog of sorts, pick out what you like, initiate contact, and if they take the bait you meet for coffee. Or dinner. Or more. I’m not judging. If your lucky, you will come out the other side alive… meaning, some stranger hasn’t completely chopped you into bits and made you the subject of the next 48 Hours Mystery. This is why there aren’t more divorces. Dating is hard. 
So I, like many women, joined a dating site to see what kind of fish were swimming around in the sea. I am no marine biologist, but I can report to you that the sea is deep, vast, and has a lot of different species of sea life. Some are a little higher up on the food chain than others (have jobs), some lead very busy schedules (have 7 baby mama’s), and some may be just right for you (for the next four hours only). They will call, be gentlemanly, dine you for lunch at quaint restaurants and then treat you to an afternoon of wine tasting. In which case, they give you the wine glasses to take home… which you still have, but refuse to use… because who really needs wine glasses with etched butterflies on them that just remind them of a guy who never asked for a second date?! (So not Superhero material!)
January of 2011, I found a fish I thought I might like to … go for a swim with. So I exchanged emails with Captain Crunch, for several days. Then the phone calls began. Then the text messages. We talked about everything under the sun, he told me about his job, his mom, the fact he wanted to take me out on his boat, what he likes to do for fun, his beloved dog, why he painted his house a certain color. Once we established after all the info was exchanged that we still felt we were compatible, we agreed to meet. These are all events that are supposed to take place when one fish has an interest in you.
Let’s stop a minute and talk about profiles. Profiles are your catalog advertisement…and in a few short paragraphs you attempt to put into words anything that convinces a stranger you are one in a million. You can do this by stating anything except something that makes you look, sound like, or construed as: crazy, too emotional, too dependent, needy, hormonal, slutty, conceited, extremely fertile, sensitive, and so on and so on. Basically, in a nutshell: you can’t say jack sh*t.
So I learned through trial and error, to keep my profile short and simple and leave a little mystery. My pictures were recent and my situation was honest. I happened to like Captain Crunch’s profile… he showed a little bit of a fun side. His photos were diverse: a picture of his little dog, a picture of his big boat, a pic of him having fun with all his friends, a picture of an empty beach chair on some unknown sandy beach. This guy seemed like the Kenny Chesney of internet dating. So when he asked me out for pizza, of course I said yes!
Upon meeting my initial impression was that he was attractive, kind, talkative, etc. We sat down, engaged in conversation and I was elbow deep in my first slice of mushroom, hamburger and pepperoni pizza when I asked him where he kept his boat during the winter.
“Oh, I sold the boat two years ago,” said Captain Crunch.
She doesn’t care that you are boatless, but She does care if you lie.
* Disclaimer: Names in my blog are occasionally changed to Superhero names. This does not imply the characters themselves are Superheroes. To be considered for a Superhero name, you must have laid lips on me sometime within the last decade.
